BoatingTurtle's Barrel of One-Shots!
by BoatingTurtle
Summary: A collection of every one-shot I write! From viewer requests to my own personal blurbs, I write 'em! From romance,to heartbreak, to love, to hate, to harems, to musicals, and even parodies, its all here! Have a peek inside!
1. What To Expect

**What's happening people of the interwebs? It's me again, BoatingTurtle, and this is an announcement for my new collection of one-shots. So these are little blurbs that I just think up, and if some are really good, I'll write a part two, and if it goes extremely well, then I might make it it's own separate story. So, be prepared for the first one in about an hour or two! These will all be Pokémon based, if you are wondering.**


	2. Just One Dance

**Hello ladies and gentlemen! It is I, your humble author, BoatingTurtle! I know I've been away for a very long time now, but to fill the gap between now and the next update to any of my stories. I tried working a bit on I'm Stuck in a House With a Harem, but as you all know, I listen to music to help me direct how the story goes, but this catchy song hasn't been doing it for me. I discovered Caro Emerald today through, uhhh..., the _internet_. Ahh fuck it. It was Zone. That bastard has this song stuck in my head, and I can't stop listening to it. So, I felt obliged to write a story about it. But since I never played Bioshock and know virtually nothing about the plot or characters, I'm going to have to do it on what I'm known for around here; Pokémon. So yeah. My first one-shot! Tell me what ya think!**

* * *

Everett cradled his pillow, enveloping it in a death-grip as tears streamed down his face. Some caught in the thin light scruffy layer of hair adorning his chin, but he didn't care to wipe them off. After all, how could life be worse when your girlfriend of 6 years cheats on you with four other guys. Not only that, she stormed into his house, threatened to call the police for sexual harassment, and then smashed in his car's windshield. He had remained faithful, and this is the treatment he gets? He tugged another tissue out of its respective box and blew his nose hard. He discarded it on the floor, where it landed next to another tissue, some tears, and some shattered hopes and dreams. Oh, and his dignity is somewhere down there. Probably under the couch with the fallen bits of Cheetos that have retreated under there, never to be seen again. It had been roughly two days, but Everett didn't know. He never bothered to look at the clock, for his eyes where to water to see, but through them his heartbroken gaze absentmindedly watched the marathon of Die Hard movies. A melted bowl of ice cream mingled with a pool of tears in his lap, creating a salty chocolate mix. The darkness outside stood a silent vigil for the young warriors slain in the battlefield of love. His 19-year-old body was battered with lost love. Suddenly, a soft hand extended to touch his shoulder from behind him. However, he paid no mind to it and kept sulking, for he didn't want to be bothered. The hand let go hesitantly, but soon the full figure walked up beside him.

"P_lease quit crying. You're making me upset." _A feminine voice pierced through his mind. When he did not respond, the figure placed her head on his shoulder. _"Everett, don't worry about Taylor anymore. She's in your past now. You need to move on." _She said telepathically.

"Oh, that's easy for you to say, Candice. You're a goddamn gardevoir, you can pick up guys easily!" Everett shot back to his pokemon, his voice barely audible from all the sorrow.

* * *

**Ok, ok, ok. Just gimme a second. First, I chose a gardevoir because their easy to do for someone starting one-shots, so don't worry, I'll do different pokemon and people. Yes, Sega, I'll do a milotic, just for you buddy! So I'll be open to requests. And sorry about the delay on this. I live on the east coast of the US, so typing at 3 a.m. was a bad idea, as I fell asleep, so I'm doing it again tonight. Sorry for the delay.**

* * *

"_Ev, you can't sulk like this..." _His gardevoir's voice rang out in his head as she lifted her head and placed a hand on his leg. _"It isn't healthy." _

"Like I give a shit. How am I going to find someone? I thought me and Tay where going to get married. I even had planned out a house to buy for next year! How can I commit if the girl is a bitch who could care less for our relationship?" Everett complained. At that, his gardevoir got up and took a step back.

_"Alright, up." _Candice said.

"What?" Everett asked, sniffling.

_"I said _up_." _She said again, this time firmer. Everett hesitated a moment and contemplated the thought of giving up. Eventually, he turned back to his pillow and hugged it, remaining sitting. His gardevoir sighed and put a hand on her head, warding off a potential headache. _"Fine. We'll do it my way." _Everett looked up at her with a curios look, but he was blinded by a bright light. He shielded his eyes from the harmful rays and removed them in a couple seconds to see what happened. He was shocked to see that he wasn't in the familiar presence of his relaxing sofa, but rather in the foreign air of a parking lot. He pushed himself up off of the ground and looked around.

"Candice, where the hell am I?" He inquired.

_"I teleported you to Sammy's. Now go in there and find yourself a lady." _She answered back.

"Oh, hell no! I'm not going to go in there! I don't drink, you know that! And besides, I can't just waltz on in and come out with a new girlfriend!" He retorted.

* * *

**Oh, FUCK! I did it again. Well sorry I'm an untrustworthy asshole who can't keep a promise and update on time. Well, fuck it, break's over, lets get this shit DONE!**

* * *

_"Everett, I'll do everything in my power to help you. Now go." _Candice ordered. Everett looked at her and thought up a quick excuse.

"I can't do in with you. They'll think I already have someone." He said slyly. His cheeks burned lightly when he thought he saw a blush shimmer on his gardevoir's face. He shoved the thought off, thinking nothing of it. Suddenly, his gardevoir shimmered and disappeared.

_"There. Happy? I'm invisible, but I'll still come with you and help you score a date." _She whispered.

"Fine, fine. I guess I don't have a choice." Everett finally agreed, throwing his hands in the air. His gardevoir gave an unseen smile and pushed him towards the doors of Sammy's Bar and Club. Everett didn't see it coming and stumbled forward, almost falling, but Candice caught him. "Hey, watch it!" He exclaimed with mild anger. His scolding was met with a giggle. Sighing, he pushed himself into the bar. To his surprise, the usually busy building was barren. There wasn't even a waiter. Only 7 people lingered inside. A biker-looking guy chewed some tobacco in the corner, flipping some cards by himself. An old man smoked a pipe at a booth all alone, staring into space, probably reminiscing on his childhood. Two burnt out guys, both about two years younger than Everett, sat at the bar, drinking away their pain and troubles. Everett shook is head, wondering how they managed to get in. Sure, he was 19, but he could easily pass off as 21, even thought he was 5'10". He never liked resorting to the bar to resolve his problems. A middle-aged black man shined his saxophone. He seemed to be distressed. Maybe his band left early without him. Another man, in his mid-thirties, wept at a table alone. Everett wanted to leave as soon as possible. He didn't want to bear other people's pain along with his own. But something made him stay. He paced over to the bar and pulled up a seat next to the young kids.

"Hey." He said awkwardly. The nearest kid lifted his bottle lightly in acknowledgement. His sandy hair shifted slightly as he moved. Everett tried to talk to him again. "So, what brings you here?" No response. "Girlfriend break up with you?" Everett noticed a tear roll down Blondie's face. "I know that feel, bro. But hey, there's always someone better out there, right? I mean, some girls are bitches, and some guys are dicks, ya know?" More tears rolled down. Everett tried to apologize, but only made it worse. "Don't worry man, whatever happened, it was for the best, I'm sure. She deserves what she's got coming." At that, Blondie stopped crying and twirled his bottle in his hand. He grabbed the neck and smashed it on the bar top. Everett fell out of his chair as Blondie swung the bottle at him. The scattered eyes that dotted the room shot over. A shriek sounded out from the other side of the bar. Everett looked over, catching a glimpse of a terrified girl, but quickly looked back at Mr. Blonde. He kicked over Everett's stool and flipped the bottle.

"MY GIRLFRIEND IS DEAD YOU FUCKER!" He screamed out at Everett. Ev was taken back by that.

"Heyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyhey-hey...hey! I didn't know buddy! I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't know, I swear!" Everett pleaded. But Blondie didn't care. He swung the bottle towards him, but a huge hand stopped him dead in his tracks. A red light burned at the end of a freshly lit cigar, clutched between the furry lips of Mr. Biker Dude.

"Alright boy. Calm down." His gravely voice tried to smooth out the tension. Blondie swung with his free hand, but was stopped by Mr. Biker twisting his arm. The other boy sprang to his friends aid, leaping at Biker Dude. Biker Dude grasped the newcomer's fluffy brown hair and swung him onto the table. Dusty let out a wince-inducing moan, and writhed on the table, the pain in his arm excruciating. Blondie tried to turn and kick Biker Dude, but he lifted the kid into the air along with his friend. He smacked their heads together, their craniums meeting with a sickening thud. Biker Dude looked at Everett and repositioned his cigar with his teeth, its faint glow shining in his dark sunglasses. "Don't worry about these two. I'll take _good _care of them. Enjoy yourself now, son." And with that, he left. Everett shook his head.

"I hate it when people call me son. More importantly," He whispered, "where the fuck where you Candice?"

_"Hey, I'm sorry. I did what was best." _

"What was best? You almost got me gutted by some kid!" He said angrily.

_"Don't you think it would be a bit suspicious if all of a sudden those idiots where being punched by nothing. And besides, why do you thing tubby mustache-man got up?" _Candice retorted.

"You did that?" Everett asked. "How?"

_"Oh, I offered to suck his dick." _

"You wha?" Everett said, shocked.

_"HAHAHA! I'm only kidding! You should see your face right now." _Everett immediately felt his face flush as his pokemon laughed histarically at his awkward expression.

"You're a bitch sometimes, you know?" He sighed.

_"I know, but I love messing with you!" _She said, still chuckling.

"Oh my god! Are you ok?" A voice sounded out from across the room. Everett looked to see the girl from before hurrying over. He sat up, brushing a piece of glass off his shirt that landed on him from the smashed bottle.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine. Thanks for asking." Everett said. He put his hand on the bar and tried to lift himself, but his palm landed on a shard of glass. He juked his hand back and fell down, cursing at the sharp pain. The girl reached his side and kneeled down.

"Are you ok?" She asked again worriedly.

"Uh-huh. I just cut my hand, that's all." Everett said, inspecting his hand. The girl took his hand and looked at his palm. Her skin was pale and soft. Everett glanced up at her eyes. They where a dark blue. Her hair was a light red that caressed her rosy cheeks. Her face was drenched in heavy concern. Everett gazed at her, mesmerized by her beau-

_"Told you you'd get over your ex fast!" _Candice said telepathically.

_"Uhhhhh-oh, sorry. What?" _Everett thought.

_"Exactly. Now quit staring before she notices!" _Everett cleared his mind and turned his attention to his slightly bloody hand.

"Are you sure you're ok?" The cute girl asked.

_"Alright, I'll leave it to you know. Have fun. I'm going to watch some Full House back at our place." _Candice's voice rung out.

_"Alright." _ Everett thought back. Candice teleported off back to Everett's house, but he couldn't really tell if she was gone because she was already invisible.

* * *

**Jesus... It's April already? Damn. Alright. Well, today marks the official return of BoatingTurtle! I'll update a lot now that I'm off my hiatus, don't worry! Now, to _actually _finish this!**

* * *

"It's just a little cut! I'll be fine, I'm sure."

"Then explain this." She said, gesturing to the piece of glass embedded into his hand.

"It's fine, really! I'll just pull it out." Everett said as he gripped the glass with his good hand.

"Don't!" The girl shouted. "It could get infected." She warned him.

"Well, should I go to a hospital?" Everett suggested.

"No, no, no. Hospitals take too long to get you in. We can go back to my place and I can get it out there. If that's all right with you, of course." She suggested. Everett looked at her for a moment, thinking.

"Sure, if you think you can fix it." Everett said finally. A smile crept onto the girls face ever so slightly. She helped Everett up and steadied him. Once both had their bearings, she led him out the door.

"Who's car should we take?" The girl asked.

"Yours is fine. I can get mine later."

"Ok." They walked in silence until they reached her car.

"Nice car." Everett complimented.

"Thanks. It's a Jaguar F-Type." She said, her tone hinting that Everett should be impressed. When she didn't get a reaction, she continued. "It cost a fortune."

"I bet. But then again, I know little to nothing about cars." Everett said. He walked around to her side and opened the door for her.

"Oh, a gentleman, I see." The girl said.

"Anything for the girl who's willing to fix my battered hand." Everett joked. They both shared a laugh as Everett got settled into the car. "Speaking of which, I never got your name." Everett said.

"Oh, I'm... uh... It's Scarlet Flourenn." She said shyly.

"Everett Morrison's the name, life's the game." Everett said suavely.

"You're not going to say anything about my name?" Scarlet asked.

"No, why would I?" Everett inquired.

"It's, it's... Well, when I was in school, kids would make fun of me cause... Well... You know. A ginger named Scarlet. It's hilarious somehow."

"Oh, who cares what they think? A names' a name." Everett reassured her. "Besides, Scarltt's a beautiful name." Scarlet blushed lightly at his remark. They sat for a good 25 minutes exchanging small talk, like interests and past stories, until Scarlet pulled up to a house. Both got out of the car.

"We're here. Casa de... however it goes. C'mon it." Scarlet motioned in as she walked up to the door. Everett followed her in. not much really passed through his mind. The pain in his hand was gone by the time Scarlet came over, and he had forgotten about it now. It wasn't until he put his hand on the railing that he remembered it. But it was a tad too late, for he had already gripped the handle.

"Ah, shit!" Everett exclaimed, clutching his hand. Scarlet spun around and grabbed his arm. She pulled him in and rushed him into the kitchen.

"Here, here, here. Sit here." She said frantically. Everett sat in the chair and winced in pain. "Put out your hand." Everett did as he was told and set his arm onto the table. Scarlet gripped his wrist and positioned a pair of tweezers on either side of the glass shard. "Ok, this is going to feel weird, but keep calm." She slid the tweezers into the cut and grasped the glass. She pushed down to the right and then up. The glass easily slid out. Everett let out a relieved gasp. "Just as I thought. See, the glass was chipped so it hooked into your hand." She said, showing the curve to Everett.

"Nasty sucker, huh?" He said, smirking at the sharp point.

"I'll disinfect and wrap your hand up and then you'll be all set." Scarlet said, walking over to the cabinet to get her supplies. Everett took the moment to get a good look around. Scarlet's house was fairly large. The kitchen was pretty plain, just a table and chairs with a stove and such. Her living room had a massive television and three luxurious sofas. Several golden records adorned the wall on either side symmetrically. Everett wondered how she got the records. The sound of a bottle being placed onto the table caught his attention. He turned to see Scarlet with a bandage in her hand. "Alright, gimme your hand." She said. Everett put out his hand for her to wrap. "This might sting." She warned. Scarlet took the bandage and tightly wrapped it around Everett's hand. He flinched and clenched his teeth together, shocked by the sudden burning sensation in his palm. "All done!" She said, tying the bandage together.

"Ahhhhh. Thanks for that Scarlet. You really didn't have t-" Everett said before he was interrupted by Scarlet.

"Of course I had to! That was a pretty nasty cut." She said. "Would you like some food?" She asked. "I made some spaghetti." Everett nodded and sat in silence while she prepared their plates. When she was done, she placed the plates and two glasses. "Some wine?" She asked, gesturing to the glass with the wine bottle she had in her hand.

"Why certainly, my dear." Everett said, trying to act suavely gentleman-like, but then realized his remark and blushed deeply. Scarlet tried to hide her blush with a giggle, but failed to do so, and her face blossomed. She poured him a glass before tending to her own thirst. Once she was done filling their glasses, she placed the bottle onto the table and turned to Everett.

"Would you like some music?" She asked, a hint of shyness in her voice. Everett nodded and Scarlet walked over to the radio sitting on the counter. She turned it on, and with a beep, static roared through the speakers. She jumped a bit and quickly lowered down the volume. Everett chuckled lightly as Scarlet regained her posture. She quickly flipped through the stations, looking for something suitable to listen to while they dined.

'FLASH! AHHHHHHAHHHH!-'

'Yeah I'm runnin' down a drea-'

'-'m on top of the world-eh! Been wai-'

'-steland! Teenage wasteland! Their all wasted!'

'Winding your way down Baker Stree-'

'The Capitals up by two goa-'

'Three killed in exploding pineapple prank-'

'-ock them doors and turn them lights do-'

'-ing us a song you're the piano man!'

'-on't wake me uuuuuuuup!'

'-nigga nigga nigga booty hoe cash money Bugatti-' (My impersonation of a rap station)

'-ey, handsome have you got the time.'

"Ooooo! Keep this on!" Everett pleaded in excitement.

'I've been watching you since the moment you arrived.'

"You like Caro Emerald?" Scarlet asked in surprise.

'A white suit from London, and shoes from Paris.'

"You kidding? She's amazing!" Everett exclaimed.

'Don't you wanna spend about an hour with me?'

"I know, right?!" Scarlet exclaimed, elated that someone else shared her musical taste, specifically jazz.

'The scent and the aroma refuses to breathe.'

"I really want to learn the sax on this song." Everett said over the music as Scarlet sat down.

'It's more like a haze that's trying to succeed.'

"You play sax?" Scarlet said in wonder. Everett gave a little nod to confirm. "I just sing." Scarlet said.

'It's drawing me in and pulling me to you.'

"Why don't you sing for me?" Everett asked. Scarlet gave him a questioning look. "I don't know..."

'And every thought I have turns the language blue.'

"Please?" Everett begged. Scarlet sighed and then cleared her throat.

"All it cost is just a minute now!" She sang out, her voice on tune, if not better than,with Caro's herself.

"For one dollar you can show me how.  
I'll take your hand and then your worries too.  
In just one dance I'll make your dreams come true."

"Damn, you have a fantastic voice!" Everett complimented.

'Your dreams come true, mmm...'

"Thanks." She said with a blush. "Say, would you like a dance?" Everett looked taken aback, and Scarlet was just about to take back her offer when Everett stood up and put out a hand.

'Don't know why you play hard to get.'

"It would be my pleasure." He said. Scarlet took his and and lead him into the living room.

'I'm here to kiss away any thoughts of regret.'

Once they arrived into the open room, Everett looked at Scarlet with a puzzled expression.

'A silk tie from Siam shows elegance and class.'

"What's wrong?" She asked, worried he didn't want to dance with _her_.

'Handsome as the heavens that a film would never cast.'

"I-I-I... I can't dance..." Everett admitted with a defeated sigh.

'But underneath the mask I see the skin of a man.'

"Oh, never mind that. Just give me your hand."

'Smooth and seductive who's really got a plan.'

"Now sway your hips lightly... good. Just like that." Scarlet instructed. "In time with me."

'It's drawing me in, magnetically to you.'

"Ok, nowowo-woaaaAAAAH!" Scarlet shouted as Everett accidentally tripped over his own feet.

'You haven't got forever, but I got that too.'

Scarlet landed on top of Everett like a ton of bricks.

'All it cost is just a minute now.'

Everett opened his eyes to red. Scarlet still was on top of him, and her red dress crowded his vision.

'For one dollar you can show me how.'

Everett placed his hands upwards to help her up, but his hands didn't land where he wanted them to, and instead found their place on Scarlet's C cup breasts.

'I'll take your hand and then your worries too.'

Everett, still processing what he just did, could do nothing at the inevitable stiffy he quickly formed.

'In just one dance I'll make your dreams come true.'

A sudden block in his nether regions caught his attention. His boner had crept up and rubbed up against Scarlet's panties.

'Your dreams come true.'

Once Everett realized what his privates where touching, it only became more exited, while Everett was terrified and embarrassed.

'I'll make your dreams come,'

Scarlet's face lit up when she slowly came to realization of what just happened.

'I'll make your dreams come,'

She pushed herself down to she could be eye-to-eye with him, but his stiffy only dug itself deeper, this time slipping in between her cheeks, although it was still in her pants.

'I'll make your dreams come true.'

Her face was lit up like a Christmas tree. Everett tried to sink into the floor and escape the awkwardness. Scarlet raised a hand. Everett cringed, readying himself for the slap. "

'I'm like the smoke on your fire.'

Instead, she grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss. She caught Everett slightly open mouthed, adding to the eroticness of the smooch.

'Smoldering endless desire.'

Her tongue slipped into his mouth, which Everett wasn't expecting at all.

'How long will your flame burn.'

They both locked lips for a while, and Scarlet's hand eventually drifted down Everett's chest and then onto his pants. She groped his concealed dick lustily. Everett gave a slight moan, and squeezed her breasts firmly, for he completely forgot he placed them there. Scarlet let out a moan this time, and gripped his dick. Everett kept fondling her breasts on the floor there.

'All it cost is just a minute now.'

Scarlet leaned down and whispered demanding in Everett's ear. "Take me now, please."

'For one dollar you can show me how.'

She slipped down Everett's pants in one swift motion, exposing his 8 inches to the world. Scarlet, craning her neck to see around her dangling boobs, gasped when she saw his wood.

'I'll take your hand and then your worries too.'

"Oh my..." She said. She gripped his shaft with one hand and rubbed slowly. Everett moaned lightly, anticipating her next course of actions.

'In just one dance I'll make your dreams come true.'

His ex-girlfriend only ever went as far as oral stimulation, so this was going to be a new experience for him.

'All it cost is just a minute now.'

"Scarlet pulled her panties aside with her free hand and brought her waist down, forcing his dick inside. She cried out in pain, and Everett tried to resist the urge to cum instantly from her tight pussy.

'For one dollar you can show me how.'

Scarlet's ass slapped against Everett's lap, creating an audible slap with each bounce.

'I'll take your hand and then your worries too.'

Everett grunted out a question, his voice strained from the pressure building in his cock.

'In just one dance I'll make your dreams come true.'

"Scarlet... Why so... sudden?" He asked. The song ended, and Scarlet slowed her lusty bouncing.

"Be-because..." She said, still exhilarated from her little episode. "Well Everett, when I saw you in the bar, I truly just wanted to help a stranger. But when I got to know you a bit more, I really started to like you. I'm attracted to you; both relationship-wise and lustily. I just got lost in the moment, with you tripping and accidentally grabbing my tits and prodding me with your dick and all. I'm sorry. My mind just... snapped there. We can stop if you want." Everett could sense the disappointment in her voice.

"You know Scarlet, from what I heard on the car ride here, you seem like a nice person, you're funny, you're smart, and I guess I could put up with all the wild sex." Everett said, adding the last bit as a joke.

"Really?" Scarlet asked. Everett nodded his head, and Scarlet bear hugged him, her tits enveloping his face. "So, are we like dating then?"

"I guess so." Everett said.

"Alright!" Scarlet exclaimed. "So is it time for the crazy sex?" She asked. Before he could answer, she started gyrating her hips around vigorously. "You know, this is my first time." She said. Everett looked up at her.

"Really? You took the insertion well. Didn't it hurt?"

"A bit." She admitted. "But I'm going to have to get used to it if we're going to be dating." She said with a wink._ 'What the hell did I get myself into?'_ Everett thought. Scarlet went back to her business of fucking his dick without another word beside some 'ooh's and 'aah's. Everett cringed, for he felt the urge coming (or should I say 'cumming' aheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh), but Scarlet beat him to it.

"Scarlet. I think I'm going to cu-cu-cum!" Everett said, holding back with all his force. Scarlet sped up and slapped down on him extremely fast. Her moans grew to screams.

"OOOH EVERETT! YES YES! YESYESYESYESYESYESYES! I'M CUMMING! I'M CUMMING!" She yelled.

"Scarlet, your pussy is pulling my dick in. I can't get it out.

"I DON'T CARE!" She exclaimed. "CUM INSIDE! FILL ME UP WITH YOUR THICK SEED!" She wailed. She pussy was as tight as tourniquet and was getting tighter. Everett let out a moan, but was overshadowed by Scarlet as she let out a powerful orgasm. Her pinching lips closed around his dick, and soon after her climax Everett exploded inside her. Scarlet fell onto Everett, breathing very heavily. "That... was amazing." She wheezed out.

"Wow, Scarlet. I never knew you had that in you." Everett admitted.

"You'd be surprised, _boyfriend."_ Scarlet said, giggling as she snuggled up to him. _"Am I dating a loony?" _Everett wondered. _"What did I get myself into?" _

_"If only you knew..." _A voice rang out in his head.

* * *

**Ok ok ok. I know it kinda sucks, but I was very busy and had almost no time to type these past two months. I know that this is a month late, but please forgive me. Two things I will admit that are wrong with this Oneshot- **

**1. It's a fucking one shot! Just sex, not a whole background story!**

**2. It's choppy as hell. **

**Well guys, fuck me. I'll try to write more soon now that my haitus is officially over. It's good to be back guys. Also, I'll do a part two of this with a threesome with Everett, Scarlet, and Candice if you guys want. Let me know in a review. Also, give me suggestions on one shots. Just a few rules:**

**1. I don't do male pokemon at all. It just weirds me out.**

**2. No shit or piss period. Or blood. Because fuck blood.**

**3. No male x male because no.**

**4. Fuck off if you want anything to do with tentacles. Cause that just nasty. **

**5. No one's fucking ANY spiders ok. Spiders can rot in hell!**

**I apologize for my language. I'm just really pissed I was gone this long. Plus its 5 A.M. and I want to sleep. Anyway, rate, comment, subscribe. What? I mean review, favorite, follow, eat cheesecake. Bye everyone. I'm going to sleep for the first time in almost a days time...**


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